Fiction Story - Draft #3

Fiction Story

“Momma, I’ll be back in a few. I’m going to go take a walk by the ocean before it’s time to go home. I just want to experience the Jamaican air a bit more by myself before it’s time to go home.” I said, walking towards the door.

 “Marisol, are you sure you don’t want me to come? I don’t want anything happening to you.” My mom said, her face frowning. Her big brown eyes just seemed to pierce me as she spoke. My mom was beautiful. Her face had the most perfect features, and she loved me so much. I was her only child. All my other siblings I never knew were miscarriages for my mother, so I’m her miracle child. I knew she never wanted to lose me.

“Mommy, I’ll be fine. I love you, and I’ll see you soon!” I said walking out the door.

“Okay Mari, be careful, I love you!” she said, as I was halfway down the hotel corridor. I waited for the elevator patiently. As I waited, I glanced down at my once pale skin, and noticed that it had become so tan. I was happy though, because I hated my pale skin. I love Jamaica. One of the best vacations I’ve ever taken, but now it’ll be time to go home soon. I heard a slight ring, and I noticed the elevator had come. I walked in, and I noticed a man standing there. I smiled, and went to the corner of the elevator. He smiled back then looked away, but then quickly kept staring at me. His yellow and red eyes seemed to not move off of me. I felt so uncomfortable, like I wanted to die. That felt like the longest minute of my life. 

Finally, the elevator hit the lobby. He walked out first and whispered “See you later, missy.” And quickly walked away. I was so scared, I couldn’t say a thing. I felt my body shaking, and I didn’t know what to think. I was like; maybe I should go back up and stay in the room. My instinct told me that, but my mind told me to relax. Maybe he was trying to be nice? I will never know, but I hope to never see him again.

The fresh sea air of the Jamaican sea filled my nose with wonder. Why did this country have to be so beautiful? I asked to myself. Everything about this place was just absolutely perfect. I let my toes soak into the warm sand, as I looked at the moon far into the ocean. It looked absolutely beautiful. I was the only one on the beach, besides a couple that was a little farther down. I took out my iPhone and scared at myself in the Face Time camera. All of a sudden, I heard people yelling all around me. I heard people screaming to get someone. I started looking in every direction and I realized these people were running towards me. My heart started pounding and racing like it was in a marathon. I became extremely frightened and my mind was running out of things to do. I immediately got up, and started running.

 “HELP! HELP ME! WHAT”S GOING ON! SAVE ME!” I yelled while running. I was so frightened. My mind was racing; I could feel my blood pumping.

“Get tha gal! Get the gal man!” I heard someone yell. All of a sudden I saw an ambush of guys running to me from all different directions. I was so afraid; I didn’t know where to go. I noticed the couple on the side trying to call police. After my moment of thinking, I felt sweat and a tough arm all over my body. Someone covered my mouth and was carry me. I fought to scream. I was losing my breath. My mind couldn’t stay in one place. What is going on? I could feel my cheeks burning red. I could feel someone touching me in all the wrong places.

“We got the gyal, from the elevator. We that the gyal. She ours now. She exotic one. We got the gyallll..” I heard a familiar voice say. I knew it! It was the guy from the elevator, I guess with his homies. I was so afraid. I couldn’t think. I could feel my body weakening and weakening more by the second. Should I have just listened to my mother? Should I have just stayed home? Should I have brought someone with me? Why was I being targeted? What did I do to deserve this? How would my mom feel? What will my lovely mother do? I felt hot tears fill my eyes. I didn’t know where they were taking me, I didn’t want to know, and all of a sudden I felt myself being thrown into a large area.  I closed my eyes, so I didn’t have to see what I was facing. I held my breath, hoping this was all a dream. Why is this going on? I heard the door shut close, and I knew that I was doomed for life. Then I opened my eyes, and look around. I noticed that I was in the back of the truck. I looked around and noticed another boy sitting in the corner. “

WHERE AM I?” I yelled, crying and kicking at the same time.

“Hey, shush. I don’t know what happened or where we’re going, but just know I got abducted just like you. I was here on vacation, relaxing on the beach and this happens. I don’t know why. But calm down. It’ll be okay. My name is Dan. I’m from California. Who are you?” I just stared at him. He looked perfect. His blue eyes. Dirty blonde hair.  I couldn’t think about that now. I wanted to be home.

“Uh.Marisol…from uhhh..uhmmm.. Hollywood,ehm  California.” I said in between sobs.

“Nice to meet you.” He replied. Why the fuck was he so calm? But then I continued to stare at him, trying to calm down. I kept staring at him, and I realized, I knew this boy. He looked so familiar then I thought to myself, I must be kidding myself, this boy and me were definitely not friends, and we didn’t know each other. My mind continued to go back and forth. Wait, I knew Dan!! I knew him! He goes to my high school. Basically an outcast, but I never noticed how gorgeous he is.

“Wait, hum…Dan… Do you go to Lightsenia High School?” I yelled.

“Yes! I do. Do you attend there?” Dan replied, with a slight smile.

 “Yes I do! This is amazing! How we go to the same school. Wow.” I kept repeating. I was actually quite shocked but happy I can bond with someone I knew. From there, we couldn’t stop talking out of excitement that we actually sorta kinda knew each other from high school. It was amazing, and yes, I felt a slight joy inside.  But I couldn’t forget that we were abducted. The best vacation of my life just turned into misery. In my head, I just wanted to say fuck everything. It’s all-pointless. But I had to get out. I just had to. And I knew I would. Without this guy or not, I will find my way.

            “Get out the truck now, get out, get out!” screamed someone. I immediately jumped up and ran out the truck, frightened. Where was I going? Where was I? All these thoughts just seemed to cross my head over and over again. I saw the elevator guy, and we made eye contact. He gave me a slight smile, and then laughed.

“Haha. You guys are going to work for me! For me.” The elevator guy said. His eyes sent shivers up my spine. I felt myself getting hot, and I was getting nervous. Work as what? What’s going to happen to me? What? All of a sudden a large man, grabbing me, interrupted my thoughts.

“Get off, get the fuck off of me!” I screamed out of instinct.

“Excuse me gal, I need to take you to your room gal. So shut up. I can kill you now” said the large man, who grabbed me earlier. I hated him for that. I silenced myself, so that I didn’t have to get in trouble. I stared at Dan, and all I could see was fear, and sorrow in his eyes. I knew he didn’t want to be there just like me. I looked around, and all I saw was the dark night sky. I could see the stars perfectly. The bliss of nature just seemed to make me happy, although all this was going on. All of a sudden, everything turned pitch black around me, and everything around me turned black. Everything became tight around my eyes. Someone then picked me up and carried me somewhere. I decided not to budge just so I didn’t cause a scene. All of a sudden, all I smelled was sweat. Sweat everywhere. The stench of old things everywhere, and it felt hotter than it was outside. I heard slight moans, and slight whispers everywhere. Once even a laugh. Where was I? Where am I being brought? I didn’t know. Until my world was revealed to me again. Then, I heard a door prop open, and I was just thrown to the floor.

“Owwwww,” I screamed. “That wasn’t fair okay? I don’t think you would wan to be thrown like that.”

“Aye Bitch. Shut up. Shut up now. I do what I want.” Said a familiar voice.

“Excuse me, no you don’t Mr. learn to respect a girl.” I yelled.

“Bitch shut up. Shut up NOWW! He screamed. POW and I felt a wave of heat and sweat cross my face. Why did he just slap me? Why?

“Hope you learned your lesson. Masa will be here in a few to speak to you both in a few.” He whispered, and then I heard the door just shut. Both? Both? When the door closed, I took off the blindfold. I saw Dan. I just started to smile.

“Hey, Marisol?” his soft voice said.

“Yeah. uhm hey. Where are we? Do you know…uhm? I glanced around the room. It was hot and it smelled like sweaty socks after the gym. The walls were gray, and the only thing that lit up the room was a small light.

“Well, I don’t know. I’m here just like you. “

“Yeah I guess. I really don’t like this. It’s scaring me. What is going on? I feel like I’m going to die.” I said, tears filling my eyes.

“Hey, Marisol don’t cry. I know how you feel.” He said, walking towards me then sitting down. He came and slung his arm around me. Brown and perfectly toned. He smelled beautiful. I don’t know how, after being in this hot weather all day. He just seemed to mesmerize me. His touch felt amazing, I never wanted him to let go. How could I feel this way for someone I just met? I don’t understand/

“Marisol, you know I’m going to tell you something. I know that it’s really hard. But I’m here with you. We’re going to go through this together, no matter what. I hardly know you, but you seem like the type of girl that will fight for what she believes him. I saw you in school at those debates, you always got your point across. In those Lacrosse games, you never gave up for anything. Yeah this is creepy but Marisol I know we can get through this. You’ll be fine.” He said, flashing his toothy smile. I felt myself melting as he spoke. How could he know me so well? We went to the same school. How I could never notice this perfect guy? It’s crazy.

“Thanks, although you don’t know me. We can get through this. You’re so sweet for that.” I whispered into his ear, smiling at him. We then started our small talk, getting to know each other, when all of a sudden, the door opening interrupted us.

Reflection #3

During workshop, I realized that my story is a little bit over dramatic. All the events that occur in my story don’t really connect and it doesn’t really workout to a great story. I need to create something that is more realistic, and something that will make a good story. I realized that I need to make my stories more believable, and have a protagonist that I can possibly establish a connection with. My new story is going to be less dramatic, but be along the same lines. My protagonists desire is to be independent. She wants to be an independent person from her parents, because they’re very over protective, because she’s basically their miracle baby. I am going to make sure this story is not so dramatic. I want my piece to help people to change their perspectives on people they don’t really knew and just want to automatically judge. The reason why is because you never know.