Final Reflection

English Final Reflection

            I felt like being a part of the early college program at Hunter College definitely helped me to prepare myself for my future college career. It helped me because I realized how college would actually be like, and basically gave me the recipe on how to survive in college. I realized things that I should do, and things that I definitely shouldn’t do at all. One of the most apparent obstacles I had was the purple couches and my friends. That lounge area always seemed to lure me over there, so I could just be lazy. My friends were always trying to encourage me to just chill and hang out, instead of doing my work. But I overcame it because I realized that my friends wouldn’t always be there through my success and failures, so I need to be strong and become more independent. I definitely learned how to become more independent, and towards the end of the year, I totally tried to avoid that place most of the time. One of my most successful moments this year was when I studied really hard for my final in English class, and I received a really high grade, near 100. I was so proud of myself.  Before, I didn’t even study, and I thought I would get a good grade, like in the high school. But I realized, the world doesn’t work like that, especially the college world. I was so proud of myself, because on last years final, I almost failed, and I managed to get a great grade this time.

            I learned about so many lessons in fiction writing classes. I learned how to write stories in so many different ways, and especially how to make your story appeal to many readers. I realized that my favorite technique is probably subtext. As a writer, I learned that I love to write long stories, and I love adding plenty of detail. I don’t really like short stories, because sometimes I feel like they should be longer. I learned that I actually love to write realistic fiction, and I learned that I love writing. The Hunter college courses I took were Geography and English 120. I enjoyed English 120 because I love to write, and I especially love to write while voicing my opinion about something I care about, and that’s exactly what I did in English 120. I didn’t enjoy Geography much, because I hate lectures. Especially for 3 hours. It was way too boring for me to deal with. I learned that I probably wouldn’t survive in a lecture class because I have a short attention span, and someone talking for too long won’t work. I feel like in order to become a more successful college student, I just need to learn how to get less distracted because I always get distracted from the dumbest thing, and that’s not good. I need to learn how to procrastinate sometimes. My procrastination became way better this year, like I stop procrastinating so much. But sometimes, I still got lazy and I did it. In college, in my first semester, I plan on trying to live in the library, and always trying to finish homework there before going to my dorm, because I know that I will probably get distracted a lot by my roommates and friends. I usually studied in the library this year, or holly’s room when I felt like friends were distracting me too much. I used the gym a lot at hunter this year, as well as the café, lounge, and other places.

Being apart of this program, I feel like I learned a bit about myself. I am quite easily influenced, and I learned that a lot of the time I don’t always give 100 percent when it comes to work. But, as time went by, I became a much stronger person, and I started to give my all in my work, that’s why every marking period, my grades just seemed to go higher and higher, and I’m really proud of myself for that.  In the fall, I will be attending Hofstra University in Long Island, and I’m extremely excited for that. I can’t wait to be in a new environment. In five years, I see myself as a graduate from Hofstra University, but I’m not sure about what I’ll major in. And I know around this time, I’ll probably take the year off, applying to medical school, and having a job for the moment, to try to raise some funds for medical school. But I’m not exactly sure what I want to be, but I’m leaning towards being a doctor. In ten years, I possibly see myself in medical school, or on my way out, and possibly starting a family and getting married, and possibly having a stable job as a doctor. In 20 years, I don’t even know what I see, it’s so far off, but it’ll be along the lines of the ten year mark, with a stable job, and a family. For future MHSHS students, I would tell them to learn to let go of your friends sometimes. You can’t be so clingy to one group, because you’re bound to get split up. Get to know more people. That’s what I did this year. I began talking to so many more people, and I became so much happier. You’ll talk to people you never though you would. Also, learn responsibility, and learn to be responsible for your own actions. Don’t blame the teacher, saying they don’t like you or something. That’s for high school days. In college, the teachers aren’t going to choose who they like or who they don’t like, they just know they’re there to teach. Just learn to become an adult, and you’ll be successful in this program.

            

            

Final Story- The Ignorance Is Bliss Until It Turns To Shit

“The weather is so gorgeous out here!” I said to myself, laying down in the warm Jamaican sand. The Sandals Resort was absolutely amazing. I felt the warm sun all over my pale body, hoping for a tan. Although it was hot, I could feel the ocean breeze .It felt amazing. This was one of the best vacations I’ve had in a while. I’ve always wanted to come here. My mom and dad finally decided to take a vacation here. Just lying in the sun, relaxing, and touring around was always my thing. I checked my phone to see the time, and noticed it was four. Six missed calls from mother as well.  “I guess I should head back upstairs.” I said to myself, rolling my eyes. Getting up, I felt a massive amount of sand fall off my body. It was gross, but all I would most likely do is shower to get it all off. As I rolled up my towel I looked around the beach. All you could were people having a great time, relaxing. I looked at all the couples, the loners, and just anyone having fun. Why can’t I have fun like that? Why do I have to be the one always stuck at home and never having fun? Sometimes it depressed me. My mother never wanted to let me out of the house. I knew that she had miscarriages and she was always afraid she would lose me. But sometimes it was too much. I knew I could never grow up that way. Sighing, I began to make my way back to the main building of the hotel. I walked up the steps, and in too quick of a second, I fell on the stairs.

“Ouchhhhh!” I cried out.  “What the fuck? Can’t people just be careful where they spill their stuff.”? I yelled. I could feel my pale cheeks flush red. I hated being embarrassed on the floor. All of a sudden, I noticed someone running towards me.

“Are you okay, miss?”  The guy said, grabbing my hand to help me up.

“Yeah I guess I’m fine, thanks for asking.” I said, smiling.

“No problem. I’m sorry about that problem with the drinks spilling. It always seems to happen…”

“Oh really? How would you know?” I questioned.

“Well, I work here, and my dad owns the place, so I always see what kind of stuff goes on around here.” He said, flashing his pearly whites. Wow he was gorgeous. Perfect caramel skin, cute curly hair. And his best feature was his hazel eyes. They just seemed to pierce me. God Bless this boy. I never thought I would meet a boy this gorgeous.

“Wow, that’s pretty cool. I would love it if my parents owned this place.” I said, giggling a bit. My giggles meant I was nervous. But why should I be?

“Yeah. It gets hectic sometimes though. But can I ask you miss, what’s your name?” He said, staring me straight into my blue eyes. When he asked me this, my cheeks were burning. Why am I feeling this way already? What’s going on? I wondered to myself.

“Oh, uhm…uhmm.hahaa…uhm my name is Marisol Alaniz…” I said stammering between my sentences.

“Haha you gave the whole name although I didn’t ask! Well my name is Mario. No need for last names right now! It was wonderful to meet you. I hope to see you around sometime beautiful!” he said walking away.

“Wonderful..uh meeting you as well..uh I wanna see you soon too! Haha…nice day…Mario!” I yelled after him. He then turned around, giving me a wink. His long eyelashes could be seen from a distance. The boy was just too Goddamn cute. I stood there just mesmerizing about the kid. How could I feel this way so fast? How? I didn’t understand, but I’m sure it was nothing. I was probably just having a little phase. I caught myself standing there, and realizing it, I ran up into the lobby. I hoped that I would see Mr. Mario again.

As I entered the lobby, I checked to make sure that I had all my belongings. Phone, check. Towel, check. Glasses, check. Loose cash, Check.  I thought I had everything until I noticed my room key was gone. “Fuck.” I whispered to myself. I hated the fact that sometimes I lost everything! I walked up to the main desk, hoping that I would be able to get a new one.

“Hello miss. How may I help you?”

“Uhm, I lost my room key. Can I get another?”

“Sure, uhm first I need to know your name or the person your staying with’s name.”

“Marisol Analiz. Single room.” I said in a stern voice. I wanted to sound mature, so they didn’t mistake me for a little kid. My first step towards independence was having my own room at a hotel, although I was with my parents. It felt amazing though, although ,my parents monitored me every step of the way.

“Alright , give me a minute. I’ll have it ready in a few. Please have a seat,” The receptionist said.

“Thank you sir!” I said sitting down. I sat down on the gorgeous couches. I looked around at the hotel lobby. I never noticed how gorgeous it actually was. Seemed like everything was gold plated everywhere, and it had a very classy scheme. I could smell flowers everywhere, and I noticed the amazing patterns on the wall. It was gorgeous. I couldn’t believe that Mario’s father owned it! I wonder how his life was. I just wanted to know more about him. Who was he? Where does he go to school? What is everything like? I wanted to know. I went into a daze about the guy, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a man tapping me.

“Excuse me, yes?” I said, with an attitude. I stared at the guy in front of me. His skin was dark, but his eyes were a bright white, shaped like the almonds I like in my chocolate. Yummy. He had a mini piercing in his ear, and his body looked toned. He had his shirt off, in swimming shorts. Who was he? Why was he trying to talk to me?

“Hey, no need to be rude, I just wanted to know your name, misssssss,” He said. This guy seemed to drag the miss for ages? What was his problem? Is he okay?

“Marisol. Yours?”

“Daggeryy. I’mmm having a partyyyy tonighttt. Come, nightclub in the left wing. I promise you fun. Special invitations for pretty girls.” He dragged on forever about how beautiful I was. I was actually quite flattered that a random guy invited me to a party. And he was cute. I was listening to the guy, but my eyes drifted somewhere else, and I saw him. Mario. Just staring at me, shaking his head. Why was he shaking his head? I didn’t understand. Maybe it’s jealousy? About what though? Who knew.

“Yeah, sure I’ll be there!” I exclaimed, not even knowing whether I would be able to go or not.

“Kay pretty gal, can’t wait to see ya.” Daggery said, walking away, blowing me a kisss. I sat there smiling. What was up with the guy attention today? My blue eyes were on fire today! I felt so good about myself for once. I wasn’t the pale quiet skinny girl everyone saw at home. I was different. I noticed in the corner of my eye, Mario walking away. Hm, I wonder why he refused to talk to me right now. Thoughts raced my mind like lightning bolts. I just couldn’t seem to get the kid out of my mind.

“Miss your key!” yelled the receptionist. “This is the third time I’m calling you!”

“Oh my gosh sorry!” I exclaimed, embarrassed. I ran, and grabbed my key. Haha daydreaming gets me all the time. I walked to the elevator, to get back to my room. I was going to go ask my parents if I could attend the party. But either way, no matter what they said, I would be there.

“Mommy, why can’t I go? It’s not fair!”

“Marisol, you know how I feel about you going to parties. Then again in places foreign. The answer is no!”

“Mom please! You never let me do anything.” I screamed.

“Marisol Analiz! do not raise your damn voice at me. You will not be going and that is all.”

“Mother, this isn’t fair. I’m sure you weren’t on lockdown all the time like me.”

“I know I wasn’t, but I just want to protect you somewhere you don’t know.”

“What the hell! The party is downstairs. Literally, mom,” I said. I felt my body temperature kept going higher and higher. I felt like I could explode any moment like a bomb. I felt heat traveling all over my body. Did she hate me or something? Did she not care? I never understand. My mother treated me like I was five years old. I clenched my fists as if I had something in them. My eyes narrowed at my mother.

“No. The answer is no Marisol. You will be staying in your hotel room.”

“No, mom It’s not fair. You always keep me on lockdown. You don’t let me do anything. My curfew is like seven. I think I’m 18 years old now and I deserve some type of freedom. I’m not a little baby anymore. I can take care of myself. I understand you’re afraid of losing me. But in a party fucking downstairs? Really, mom! Like you had so much freedom when you were younger. But me? Haha, NEVER!” I yelled. Warm and salty tears streamed down my snow-white face. I just could never understand why my mother wouldn’t let me do anything. It upset me so much. She never wants me to be free. Never, ever. My mother stayed silent, and had nothing to say. I never usually went off like this, I kept my anger in for so long. Maybe she would get it this time.

“Marisol, I said no. No means no. Now go to your hotel room, we’ll be out for dinner in an hour.” She said calmly.

“What the hell mom? What the fuck is your problem! Do you not understand English! Ugh I can’t stand you! Such a control freak!” I screamed, throwing my water bottle and running out the room. I ran down the hall to my own hotel room, unlocked the door, and jumped on my bed. Thoughts raced through my small mind as tears fell from my crystal blue eyes like waterfalls. I didn’t understand what her problem was. She really needed to let go of this, because it was getting out of hand, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried my eyes out into the pillow. Then I suddenly heard a knock on my door.

“Whoever the fuck it is, it better not be mom, if it is you can fuck off. If it’s not mom, tell me who you are and I’ll think about fucking letting you in!” I yelled, to the mist of air.

“Uh, it’s me,” said a male voice. I knew who it was. It was my daddy.

“Oh hey there dad.” I said, opening the door. “Come in.” My dad walked in. I loved my dad. He was the cooler one. He never kept me on a leash, and he was always inspiring me to do what makes me happy, since I would always learn my lesson later on.

“Marisol, your mother is bawling right now. She’s really hurt,” he said, with his sad eyes. His blue eyes resembled mine. Such a beautiful blue.

“I honestly could care less now. She doesn’t let me do anything,” I said.

“Well, you should. Your mother cares so much about you. Just realize that. Okay, Mari?”

“Ugh. I know. But she needs to let me off the leash. I am not a little puppy.”

“I talked to her about that. But It’s hard as a mother sometimes, you know? After you go through a lot. Just understand her. But you can go ahead to that party. Just be careful. I’m going out with your mom so she can rest up.” After he said I can go ahead, my body filled with excitement. I felt like all the sadness just flushed away.

“Thank you daddy! Love you! Get out, now! Haha! I need to get ready!” I said as I hugged and kissed him. I loved my daddy. He was the best guy in the world. Always my number one, and I don’t know who could ever take that spot.

As I walked into the party, I could feel the amazing vibe. “Give Me Everything” by Pitbull was blasting through the speakers. I could feel the beat in my feet. I stared at my cheetah print red bottoms. Oh how gorgeous they were. This was the first time I was using them, since I’m like never allowed to party. I looked around. All I saw were bright lights everywhere flashing in my eyes.  People were drinking everywhere, and the smell of marijuana filled my nose.  Although I was in a room filled with people, I felt so alone. Where was Daggery? I thought I was the special guest. All of a sudden I felt someone grab my waist. I immediately turned around.

“Hey, pretty girl. Looking mighty fine tonight,” Daggery said, planting a kiss on my cheek.

“Hey, boy. You, too. How’s everything?”

“Greaaaaaaatttttt, glad you made it beautifulllll. We didn’t get to talkkkkk. Where you frommmmm?” Why did he always drag his words?

“Oh, I’m on vacation here from California. With my parents.”

“Oh yahhhh. Cool shittt. Coool shittt. Welll do you want a drink missy, Marisoll?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okayyy. Girlieee wait here. I be back,” he said, giving me another kiss. What was going on?

“Ok. See ya,” I said with a smile. He was just so cute. But those dragging words made me think he was drunk or something. I sat there, just jamming to the vibes of the music. It was putting me in the greatest mood. I just sat there, going back and forth to Rude Boy by Rihanna. All of a sudden, I felt someone cover my eyes.

“Oh my gosh who is this!! Get off of me!” I screamed

“Just guess!” The voice said.

“Daggery?” I questioned.

The voice went silent for a minute, then slowly said: “No, it’s Mario,” He said sadly, letting me see his face. He was dressed in some nice jeans, and a fit polo shirt. Damn, did he look good.

“Oh hey there! Didn’t know you would be here. What’s up?” I said, with a smile flashing across my face. At this point I knew I was blushing.

“Nothing Just here. How’s the party for ya so far?” He yelled over the music.

“Great. Just waiting for Daggery to bring me a drink. You know him? He’s so nice!” I screamed over the music. Mario didn’t say anything for some time, he just stared at me, sort of in dismay.

“Uh… Daggery. He’s not a good guy. I’m going to tell you straight up he spikes drinks and rapes them. He’s not a good guy. Stay away from him, okay?” said Mario, looking into my eyes. Why was he telling me this? Daggery was so sweet. Just a little drunk. Someone I just met wouldn’t do that. Only someone that knows you could hurt you that way. He wouldn’t.

“Ah, I doubt it. He’s too sweet!” I exclaimed, smiling.

“No. I’m serious. I’ve been working at my dad’s hotel for a long time. I’ve seen this happen to too many girls. I don’t want to happen to you. Seriously, it might cause you pain for a long time.”

“Mario, I know he wouldn’t do that.”

“Marisol, please listen to me it’s good for you!” he yelled. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. How could someone so nice be portrayed as so evil? Our conversation was interrupted by Daggery approaching the both of us with my drink. I noticed Daggery giving Mario the worst glare, and Mario did the same. What was going on? I wondered. Maybe Mario was jealous about something? Who knows.

“Here’s your drink, beautiful,” Daggery said, handing me my drink. It was a deep red, but looked absolutely delicious.

“Thanks,” I said smiling. I turned to Mario and I looked into his eyes. I saw the tension and distress building up in his eyes. I saw his cheeks turn a bright red, and he lowered his eyes at me. The glare could pierce a million souls. I knew he was upset that I was talking to Daggery. But honestly, I couldn’t resist.

“Daggery, you can’t continue doing this to all these innocent girls. They haven’t done anything to you and you’re going to lure them into your damn trap? Stop it now!” Mario screamed.

“Mario! Stop! Be nice!” I yelled, trying to calm him down.

“Aye Aye boy, don’t accuse me of something I ain’t do. I could never hurt a girl like her.” Daggery said, smiling at me. “Now get away from me and this girl, she mines for the night ok?”  He said grabbing my waist.

“Marisol! Don’t fall for it! Don’t drink it! It’s spiked!” He yelled.

“Aye man aye man shut up now.” Daggery exclaimed, piercing Mario. “Get the fuck away now!” He said pushing him away.

“Yeah Mario! Stop being rude. Leave please! Now! I can make my own decisions!” I said yelling at Mario. I then took a sip of my drink. Damn did it taste delicious. 

“Fine, Mari. I warned you though,” he said, looking sad. He walked away from us disappointed and filled with fury, his head dipping low. I knew that he was just making it up because he liked me.

“That damn guy, always fucking up my game!” said Daggery, grabbing my hand. “Come on drink! It’s yummy isn’t it?” Daggery cried, kissing my cheek again. Was this guy obsessed with my face? I didn’t know. I finished the whole glass in a few gulps. The ice cold drink traveled down my throat, chilling my body. I wanted more. Daggery kept giving me drinks. I was just zoning in and out of the party. The drinks were so good I never wanted to stop drinking them. Daggery grabbed me by the waist and we danced the night away. My hips on his body, and I felt the music take me away. Daggery began to plant his soft lips all over my neck,  moving to my face. Who would’ve thought that this nice guy would try to do anything?! His soft lips seemed to intoxicate my body. He kept feeding more and more drinks into my body, and I felt my body go to another planet. I began feeling dizzy. I couldn’t feel my legs.

“Uh, Daggerygggyggy I don’t uh I don’t feel well. Can you bring me to a chair? Or uh my room? Uhh I don’t feel well. Please.” I begged.

“Yes baby, let me take you now,” He said with a smile. He picked me up and carried me to the room. As I laid on the bed, I felt like I was sinking into the bed. I felt like a huge headache was taking over my body. What the hell was going on? I looked at the side of the room, and  I tried to focus my vision. But the room was spinning. I felt like I was on a roller coaster. But I noticed Daggery taking off his clothes.

“What…what…what are you doing?” I asked him between stutters.

“Bitch, what I got you here to do. Haha, I guess you should’ve listened to little Mario. You don’t know the Daggery. The Daggery gets the women and does what he needs with them.” he yelled. I was so out of it, but I could kind of think. What the fuck was going on. My mind was going out of control. What the hell is going to happen.? What does he want to do to me? What the hell. Fuck. No. No. I hoped it wasn’t what I thought.

“No! get me out of here. Get me out of here!” I screamed as Daggery approached me.

“Too late, sweetheart. Enjoy the ride.”

“Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!” I yelled, and now I was crying. My tears couldn’t stay in my eyes.

“No bitch now you’re going to shut the fuck up and get what you’re here for. Then he slapped me, and all I could feel was a wave of sweat and pain go across my face. I knew it looked like a tomato. After that, my world just went black. It disappeared in the darkness. It was too late.

I woke up the next morning; feeling like somebody beat my body up a million times with hammers. My head was feeling like someone was pounding it with their own bare fists. The first thing that came to my mind was where was I? I quickly sat up and looked around the room, feeling relieved. I was back in my hotel room. Who brought me here? I wondered to myself. I turned my body, and placed my feet on the floor while sitting on the bed. I let out a huge yawn, stretching my long legs out on the floor. As I got up to make my way to the bathroom, I saw someone lying on the floor sleeping.

“What the fuck who is this!” I yelled, feeling freighted. The person quickly stood up, seeming startled. Once the mystery person turned around, I realized whom it was. Mario. What was he doing here?

“Why, good morning Miss Marisol. How are you?” He asked, flashing a smile. Oh how his smile made me weak…

“Good morning Mario, What are you doing here?”

“Well last night, I’m sure you remember what happened. After I realized he brought you to the room, I tried to break in to get you out, but it was too late. I waited for you until he opened the door, and I saw you there, just sleeping. I felt horrible, you know. The evil man told me I could take you. So I took you and brought you back home. You were completely passed out.” He said. I could feel the waves of sadness and disappointment coming from his body vibe and his voice. I felt horrible, for making him go through that for me.

“Wow, well thanks. I wish I listened to you. You know. Like, all of that would’ve never happened…..” I whispered. I felt my body temperature rising by the second, and I felt a tsunami of tears filling my eyes. The reminder of last night made my body uncomfortable. Mario saw my hurt, and approached me, with open arms. I couldn’t understand how he could be so nice after I caused him so much pain and hurt. I felt like hurting myself so badly for this. His hug felt amazing, I felt like I was on cloud nine, although I was bawling my eyes out. The tears flowed out into his polo shirt, from last night. As I burrowed my head into his shoulders, I could smell his amazing smell. He smelled like a breath of fresh air I needed. So many thoughts just seemed to race my mind at once.

“Just let it out Mari, it’ll be okay…we all learn from our mistakes,” he said softly stroking my long hair.

“But Mario. I don’t understand…..like uhm…how you could care about me…after all of this..I don’t…I caused you disappointment… how…Mario..uh how? I cried in between sobs.

“Marisol, it’s fine. I promise. I’ll always be here when you need me. Now stop crying. Get a bit freshened up, and we’ll have some lunch. Meet at around 1? I’m going to leave you here, okay?” He said, letting go of me, staring into my eyes. His eyes just pierced me every time he looked at me. They were gorgeous just like him. He made me so happy and I couldn’t understand why.

“Alright, Mario,” I said, forcing a smile on my face. He smiled right back at me, and planted a kiss on my cheek. I felt an explosion of joy after he did that. It just made me so happy. I watched him walk out the room, but he quickly turned back and blew me a kiss,  rushing out the door. I stood there like an idiot just smiling. I quickly made my way to the bathroom, and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I just stared at myself. My tired eyes. My ruined makeup. The dress from last night. Scratches all over my arm. I spotted blood as well. I noticed that my white gold necklace was gone. I  smelled weed all over my body. I reeked the stench of alcohol. I knew I had no panties on, and not even my bra. All because of a stupid guy that hypnotized me. I just didn’t feel like the normal Marisol I was. Looking bruised up and beaten after a party? That wasn’t me. I felt my mood sink into the ground. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t it happen to someone else. I felt so down. I observed myself some more. Why was I so naïve? Why didn’t I listen to Mario? I just didn’t know anything, and I wish I could’ve thought. It was all just so in the moment. I was excited to be on my own, and I was excited to experience a new time of my adulthood. But it all came at a huge price. How would I explain this to my father? How would he react to this? I knew he wouldn’t be happy. He would probably ban me from ever leaving the house again. Sometimes I wish I listened to my mother. I would’ve been way happier than I was right now. I’m entering college this fall, but I will never go to another party. I will never leave my dorm, unless it’s for class. I knew what I had to do in my life now, to never get myself in a situation again. I just stood there in the mirror, staring at the Marisol I became overnight at a party. I was disgusted, and I hated myself for doing this to myself. Why Mari, why? All because of a sweet talker named fucking Daggery. What the fuck is a Daggery either way? You could never take back what you did in the past, but it all happened. I learned to attain my independence, but it all came at the biggest price I had to ever pay in my life--- my sanity, my dignity, my confidence, and my happiness. I don’t think I could ever be happy again. watched myself as tears rolled down my rosy cheeks. I slowly took off my dress and walked over to the shower. I needed to clean myself up. But the real clean up that I would need in my life, would take forever. Thank you Daggery, you fucker. 

Fiction Story- Draft #5

            “The weather is so gorgeous out here!” I said to myself, laying down in the warm Jamaican sand. The Sandals Resort was absolutely amazing. I felt the warm sun all over my pale body, hoping for a tan. Although it was hot, I could feel the ocean breeze .It felt amazing. This was one of the best vacations I’ve had in a while. I’ve always wanted to come here. My mom and dad finally decided to take a vacation here. Just lying in the sun, relaxing, and touring around was always my thing. I checked my phone to see the time, and noticed it was four. Six missed calls from mother as well.  “I guess I should head back upstairs.” I said to myself, rolling my eyes. Getting up, I felt a massive amount of sand fall off my body. It was gross, but all I would most likely do is shower to get it all of. As I rolled up my towel I looked around the beach. All you could were people having a great time, relaxing. I looked at all the couples, the loners, and just anyone having fun. Why can’t I have fun like that? Why do I have to be the one always stuck at home and never having fun? Sometimes it depressed me. My mother never wanted to let me out of the house. I knew that she had miscarriages and she was always afraid she would lose me. But sometimes it was too much. I knew I could never grow up that way. Sighing, I began to make my way back to the main building of the hotel. I walked up the steps, and in too quick of a second, I fell on the stairs.

“Ouchhhhh!” I cried out.  “What the fuck? Can’t people just be careful where they spill their stuff.”? I yelled. I could feel my pale cheeks flush red. I hated being embarrassed on the floor. All of a sudden, I noticed someone running towards me.

“Are you okay, miss?”  The guy said, grabbing my hand to help me up.

“Yeah I guess I’m fine, thanks for asking.” I said, smiling.

“No problem. I’m sorry about that problem with the drinks spilling. It always seems to happen…”

“Oh really? How would you know?” I questioned.

“Well, I work here, and my dad owns the place, so I always see what kind of stuff goes on around here.” He said, flashing his pearly whites. Wow he was gorgeous. Perfect caramel skin, cute curly hair. And His best feature was his hazel eyes. They just seemed to pierce me. God Bless this boy. I never thought I would meet a boy this gorgeous.

“Wow that’s pretty cool. I would love it if my parents owned this place.” I said, giggling a bit. My giggles meant I was nervous. But why should I be?

“Yeah. It gets hectic sometimes though. But can I ask you miss, what’s your name?” He said, staring me straight into my blue eyes. When he asked me this, my cheeks were burning. Why am I feeling this way already? What’s going on? I wondered to myself.

“Oh, uhm…uhmm.hahaa…uhm my name is Marisol Alaniz…” I said stammering between my sentences.

“Haha you gave the whole name although I didn’t ask! Well my name is Mario. No need for last names right now! It was wonderful to meet you. I hope to see you around sometime beautiful!” he said walking away.

“Wonderful..uh meeting you as well..uh I wanna see you soon too! Haha…nice day…Mario!” I yelled after him. He then turned around, giving me a wink. His long eyelashes could be seen from a distance. The boy was just too Goddamn cute. I stood there just mesmerizing about the kid. How could I feel this way so fast? How? I didn’t understand, but I’m sure it was nothing. I was probably just having a little phase. I caught myself standing there, and realizing it, I ran up into the lobby. I hoped that I would see Mr. Mario again.

As I entered the lobby, I checked to make sure that I had all my belongings. Phone, check. Towel, check. Glasses, check. Loose cash, Check.  I thought I had everything until I noticed my room key was gone. “Fuck.” I whispered to myself. I hated the fact that sometimes I lost everything! I walked up to the main desk, hoping that I would be able to get a new one.

“Hello miss. How may I help you?”

“Uhm, I lost my room key. Can I get another?”

“Sure, uhm first I need to know your name or the person your staying with’s name.”

“Marisol Analiz. Single room.” I said in a stern voice. I wanted to sound mature, so they didn’t mistaken me for a little kid. My first step towards independence was having my own room at a hotel, although I was with my parents. It felt amazing though, although ,my parents monitored me every step of the way.

“Alright , give me a minute. I’ll have it ready in a few. Please have a seat” The receptionist said.

“Thank you sir!” I said sitting down. I sat down on the gorgeous couches. I looked around at the hotel lobby. I never noticed how gorgeous it actually was. Seemed like everything was gold plated everywhere, and it had a very classy scheme. I could smell flowers everywhere, and I noticed the amazing patterns on the wall. It was gorgeous. I couldn’t believe that Mario’s father owned it! I wonder how his life was. I just wanted to know more about him. Who was he? Where does he go to school? What is everything like? I wanted to know. I went into a daze about the guy, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a man tapping me.

“Excuse me, yes?” I said, with an attitude. I stared at the guy in front of me. His skin was dark, but his eyes were a bright white, shaped like the almonds I like in my chocolate. Yummy. He had a mini piercing in his ear, and his body looked toned. He had his shirt off, in swimming shorts. Who was he? Why was he trying to talk to me?

“Hey, no need to be rude, I just wanted to know your name, misssssss.” He said. This guy seemed to drag the miss for ages? What was his problem? Is he okay?

“Marisol. Yours?”

“Daggeryy. I’mmm having a partyyyy tonighttt. Come, nightclub in the left wing. I promise you fun. Special invitations for pretty girls.” He dragged on forever about how beautiful I was. I was actually quite flattered that a random guy invited me to a party. And he was cute. I was listening to the guy, but my eyes drifted somewhere else, and I saw him. Mario. Just staring at me, shaking his head. Why was he shaking his head? I didn’t understand. Maybe it’s jealousy? About what though? Who knew.

“Yeah, sure I’ll be there!” I exclaimed, not even knowing whether I would be able to go or not.

“Kay pretty gal, can’t wait to see ya.” Daggery said, walking away, blowing me a kisss. I sat there smiling. What was up with the guy attention today? My blue eyes were on fire today! I felt so good about myself for once. I wasn’t the pale quiet skinny girl everyone saw at home. I was different. I noticed in the corner of my eye, Mario walking away. Hm, I wonder why he refused to talk to me right now. Thoughts raced my mind like lightning bolts. I just couldn’t seem to get the kid out of my mind.

“Miss your key!” Yelled the receptionist. “This is the third time I’m calling you!”

“Oh my gosh sorry!” I exclaimed, embarrassed. I ran, and grabbed my key. Haha daydreaming gets me all the time. I walked to the elevator, to get back to my room. I was going to go ask my parents if I could attend the party. But either way, no matter what they said, I would be there.

“Mommy why can’t I go? It’s not fair!”

“Marisol you know how I feel about you going to parties. Then again in places foreign. The answer is no!”

“Mom please! You never let me do anything.” I screamed.

“Marisol Analiz do not raise your damn voice at me. You will not be going and that is all.”

“Mother, this isn’t fair. I’m sure you weren’t on lockdown all the time like me.”

“I know I wasn’t, but I just want to protect you somewhere you don’t know.”

“What the hell! The party is downstairs. Literally mom.” I said. I felt body temperature kept going higher and higher. I felt like I can explode any moment like a bomb. I felt head traveling all over my body. Did she hate me or something? Did she not care? I never understand. My mother treated me like I was five years old. I clenched my fists as if I had something in them. My eyes narrowed at my mother.

“No. The answer is no Marisol. You will be staying in your hotel room.”

“No mom it’s not fair. You always keep me on lockdown. You don’t let me do anything. My curfew is like seven. I think I’m 18 years old now and I deserve some type of freedom. I’m not a little baby anymore. I can take care of myself. I understand you’re afraid of losing me. But in a party fucking downstairs? Really mom. Like you had so much freedom when you were younger. But me? Haha, NEVER!” I yelled. Warm and salty tears streamed down my snow-white face. I just could never understand why my mother wouldn’t let me do anything. It upset me so much. She never wants me to be free. Never, ever. My mother stayed silent, and had nothing to say. I never usually went off like this, I kept my anger in for so long. Maybe she would get it this time.

“Marisol, I said no. No means no. Now go to your hotel room, we’ll be out for dinner in an hour.” She said calmly.

“What the hell mom? What the fuck is your problem! Do you not understand English! Ugh I can’t stand you! Such control freak!” I screamed, throwing my water bottle and running out the room. I ran down the hall to my own hotel room, unlocked the door, and jumped on my bed. Thoughts racing through my small mind tears falling from my crystal blue eyes like waterfalls. I didn’t understand what her problem was. She really needed to let go of this, because it was getting out of hand, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried my eyes out into the pillow. Then I suddenly heard a knock on my door.

“Whoever the fuck it is, it better not be mom, if it is you can fuck off. If it’s not mom, tell me who you are and Ill think about fucking letting you in!” I yelled, to the mist of air.

“Uh, it’s me.” Said a male voice. I knew who it was. It was my daddy.

“Oh hey there dad.” I said, opening the door. “Come in.” My dad walked in. I loved my dad. He was the cooler one. He never kept me on a leash, and he was always inspiring me to do what makes me happy, since I would always learn my lesson later on.

“Marisol, your mother is bawling right now. She’s really hurt.” He said, with his sad eyes. His blue eyes resembled mine. Such a beautiful blue.

“I honestly could care less now. She doesn’t let me do anything.” I said.

“Well, you should. Your mother cares so much about you. Just realize that. Okay Mari?”

“Ugh. I know. But she needs to let me off the leash. I am not a little puppy.”

“I talked to her about that. But It’s hard as a mother sometimes, you know? After you go through a lot. Just understand her. But you can go ahead to that party. Just be careful. I’m going out with your mom so she can rest up.” After he said I can go ahead, my body filled with excitement. I felt like all the sadness just flushed away.

“Thank you daddy! Love you! Get out now haha, I need to get ready!” I said as I hugged and kissed him. I loved my daddy. He was the best guy in the world. Always my number one, and I don’t know who could ever take that spot.

As I walked into the party, I could feel the amazing vibe. “Give Me Everything” by Pitbull was blasting through the speakers. I could feel the beat in my feet. I stared at my cheetah print red bottoms. Oh how gorgeous they were. This was the first time I was using them, since I’m like never allowed to party. I looked around. All I saw was bright lights everywhere flashing in my eyes.  People drinking everywhere, and the smell of marijuana filled my nose.  Although I was in a room filled with people, I felt so alone. Where was Daggery? I thought I was the special guest. All of a sudden I felt someone grab my waist. I immediately turned around.

“Hey pretty girl, looking mighty fine tonight.” Daggery said, planting a kiss on my cheek.

“Hey boy. You too. How’s everything?”

“Greaaaaaaatttttt, glad you made it beautifulllll. We didn’t get to talkkkkk. Where you frommmmm?” Why did he always drag his words?

“Oh I’m on vacation here from California. With my parents.”

“Oh yahhhh. Cool shittt. Coool shittt. Welll do you want a drink missy, marisoll.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Okayyy. Girlieee wait here. I be back.” He said, giving me another kiss. What was going on.

“Ok. See ya.” I said with a smile. He was just so cute. But those dragging words made me think he was drunk or something. I sat there, just jamming to the vibes of the music. It was putting me in the greatest mood. I just sat there, going back and forth to Rude Boy by Rihanna. All of a sudden, I felt someone cover my eyes.

“Oh my gosh who is this!! Get off of me!” I screamed

“Just guess!” The voice said.

“Daggery?” I questioned. The voice went silent for a minute, then slowly said:

“No it’s Mario,” He said sadly, letting me see his face. He was dressed in some nice jeans, and a fit polo shirt. Damn did he look good.

“Oh hey there! Didn’t know you would be here. What’s up?” I said, with a smile flashing across my face. At this point I knew I was blushing.

“Nothing Just here. How’s the party for ya so far?” He yelled over the music.

“Great. Just waiting for Daggery to bring me a drink. You know him? He’s so nice!” I screamed over the music. Mario didn’t say anything for some time, he just stared at me, sort of in dismay.

“Uh… Daggery. He’s not a good guy. I’m going to tell you straight up he spikes drinks and rapes them. He’s not a good guy. Stay away from him, okay?” said Mario, looking into my eyes. Why was he telling me this? Daggery was so sweet. Just a little drunk. Someone I just met wouldn’t do that. Only someone that knows you could hurt you that way. He wouldn’t.

“Ah, I doubt it. He’s too sweet!” I exclaimed, smiling.

“No. I’m serious. I’ve been working at my dad’s hotel for a long time. I’ve seen this happen to too many girls. I don’t want to happen to you. Seriously, it might cause you pain for a long time.”

“Mario, I know he wouldn’t do that.”

“Marisol, please listen to me it’s good for you!” he yelled. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. How could someone so nice be portrayed as so evil? Our conversation was interrupted by Daggery approaching the both of us with my drink. I noticed Daggery giving Mario the worst glare, and Mario did the same. What was going on? I wondered. Maybe Mario was jealous about something? Who knows.

“Here’s your drink beautiful.” Daggery said, handing me my drink. It was a deep red, but looked absolutely delicious.

“Thanks,” I said smiling. I turned to Mario and I looked into his eyes. I saw the tension and distress building up in his eyes. I saw his cheeks turn a bright red, and he lowered his eyes at me. The glare could pierce a million souls. I knew he was upset that I was talking to Daggery. But honestly, I couldn’t resist.

“Daggery, you can’t continue doing this to all these innocent girls. They haven’t done anything to you and you’re going to lure them into your damn trap? Stop it now!” Mario screamed.

“Mario! Stop! Be nice!” I yelled, trying to calm him down.

“Aye Aye boy, don’t accuse me of something I ain’t do. I could never hurt a girl like her.” Daggery said, smiling at me. “Now get away from me and this girl, she mines for the night ok?”  He said grabbing my waist.

“Marisol! Don’t fall for it! Don’t drink it! It’s spiked!” He yelled.

“Aye man aye man shut up now.” Daggery exclaimed, piercing Mario. “Get the fuck away now!” He said pushing him away.

“Yeah Mario! Stop being rude. Leave please! Now! I can make my own decisions!” I said yelling at Mario. I then took a sip of my drink. Damn did it taste delicious. 

“Fine, Mari. I warned you though.” He said, looking sad. He walked away from us disappointed and filled with fury, his head dipping low. I knew that he was just making it up because he liked me.

“That damn guy, always fucking up my game!” said Daggery, grabbing my hand. “Come on drink! It’s yummy isn’t it?” Daggery cried, kissing my cheek again. Was this guy obsessed with my face? I didn’t know. I finished the whole glass in a few gulps. The ice cold drink traveled down my throat, chilling my body. I wanted more. Daggery kept giving me drinks. I was just zoning in and out of the party. The drinks were so good I never wanted to stop drinking them. Daggery grabbed me by the waist and we danced the night away. My hips on his body, and I felt the music take me away. Daggery began to plant his soft lips all over my neck,  moving to my face. Who would’ve thought that this nice guy would try to do anything?! His soft lips seemed to intoxicate my body. He kept feeding more and more drinks into my body, and I felt my body go to another planet. I began feeling dizzy. I couldn’t feel my legs.

“Uh, Daggerygggyggy I don’t uh I don’t feel well. Can you bring me to a chair? Or uh my room? Uhh I don’t feel well. Please.” I begged.

“Yes baby, let me take you now,” He said with a smile. He picked me up and carried me to the room. As I laid on the bed, I felt like I was sinking into the bed. I felt like a huge headache was taking over my body. What the hell was going on? I looked at the side of the room, and  I tried to focus my vision. But the room was spinning. I felt like I was on a roller coaster. But I noticed Daggery taking off his clothes.

“what…what…what are you doing?” I asked him between stutters.

“Bitch, what I got you here to do. Haha, I guess you should’ve listened to little Mario. You don’t know the Daggery. The Daggery gets the women and does what he needs with them.” He yelled. I was so out of it, but I could kind of think. What the fuck was going on. My mind was going out of control. What the hell is going to happen.? What does he want to do to me? What the hell. Fuck. No. No. I hoped it wasn’t what I thought.

“No! get me out of here. Get me out of here!” I screamed as Daggery approached me.

“Too late, sweetheart. Enjoy the ride.”

“Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!” I yelled, and now I was crying. My tears couldn’t stay in my eyes.

“No bitch now you’re going to shut the fuck up and get what you’re here for. Then he slapped me, and all I could feel was a wave of sweat and pain go across my face. I knew it looked like a tomato. After that, my world just went black. It disappeared in the darkness. It was too late.

“Agh, is it already 6 am?” I growled to myself as I stared at the alarm clock. The time read 6:02 am, and the date May 17^th.  I was my 23^rd birthday. I turned over in bed, and noticed my boyfriend wasn’t there. Probably headed out to work or something, I rolled out of my bed, grabbed my phone, and headed to the bathroom to clean up or work.  Happy Birthday Mari, Love you! Happy Birthday Marisolaaa, What’s up for tonight? “Marisol Happy Birthday lovely! Read all my birthday text messages. It put a slight smile on my face, but not my old smile that used to always shine. I quickly hopped into the shower, and was heading out the door in ten minutes. Wake up. Starbucks. Work. Gym. Home. That was my life now. As I walked through the streets, I took in everything around me. The breeze, the beautiful flowers popping around town at this time. I looked at everyone rushing to work, reading to start their day. I glanced at the cars, all the different faces. Some looking joyful, some looking like they’re half asleep. I probably fit that category. Ever since my trip to Jamaica, I’ve learned so much. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. Walking through the streets of Los Angeles, I never felt safe. Jamaica was my first and last party. My first and last type of letting loose fun I had.

“Hello welcome to Starbucks! What can I get for you this morning?”

“Pike Roast Coffee. Decaf. No Caffeinating at all. Thanks.” The lady gave me a semi weird stare. But I didn’t care. I was just looking out for myself.

“Sure, I’ll have it in a sec!” She said, with a fake toothy smile. Fuck her. I hated people with those fake cheesy smiles that led me to my fate in my life. Those fake smiles. Fake laugh. Fake everything. I paid, snatched my coffee and walked out the door down the street to work. Suddenly I felt many vibrations in my pocket. I knew it was my phone. I quickly pulled it out, and saw who was calling. Of course, my babe.

“Hello? Hey babe!” I said into the phone.

“Hello my love! Happy Birthday Sweetheart.” He said to me on the phone.

“Thanks Mario. How was your morning run?”

“Wonderful. I’ll be heading to work soon. What are we doing to do tonight to celebrate your birthday?” He said. I could hear the excitement in his voice. It has never changed since Jamaica. It made me happy that I was with him. After my whole situation there, he counseled me, and helped me through it. I couldn’t help but fall in love with the guy who tried to save me. As I got older, I could never forget him. And now, he’s living here with me. Basically the only person I could ever feel this way for.

“Uhm, I was thinking I cook dinner. Stay home?” I said, knowing he wouldn’t be happy.

“Marisol, stop it. We’re going out. At least for dinner. You need to get over this already. That was five years ago. As long as I’m here, nothing will happen. We don’t need to go party.” He said. I could hear how stern he was in his voice.

“No, you know how I feel for public places I must stay in…no. I think we should stay home.” I responded.

“Marisol, stop it. Otherwise, there will be a problem. You haven’t gone out in literally years. Stop it!” He yelled over the phone. I could tell her was over my fear. But I just couldn’t after what that bitch did to me that night. I just wanted to be safe. But at the same time I didn’t want to lose him over my fear. Should I go? I didn’t know.

“Uh. Fine. Nowhere too far though. I’m about to walk to work so I’ll see you home later. Love you,” I said, dragging my voice.

“Love you too babe. Happy Birthday!” he said. Mario hasn’t sounded that ecstatic in a long time. It made me smile. I never wanted to make him upset but I always seemed to because of how scarred I was from Jamaica. Being raped is no joke. I still remember everything that happened from that night. When I came home, I found out I was in face pregnant. I had to in fact get an abortion, going against my beliefs because I wasn’t ready for a child. That disgusting hopeless man ruined my life.  After it was all said and done, I fell into a state where I couldn’t do anything but go to school, work and Starbucks and my home. I’m even afraid of take out food. I think anyone will be capable of raping me. I don’t even drink caffeinated drinks. I think that’ll make me drunk it’s al because of one stupid guy. Sometimes I still get nightmares. I pushed so many people away from me because of this. I have only a few friends and family that surround me but it all taught me a lesson. I will never be so naïve and in love with the thrill again. But it ruined my life. I missed out on so much. My life has been ruined. I could never be the same. I wish somehow I could go back to that night, and change it all, but I can’t. I just can’t.

Reflection:

I actually really love my story now. It’s one of my favorite stories I have ever written. I think that it’s really good. I re wrote my story and I feel like I’ve made really big improvements on it, and I’m really proud of myself. I know that it is definitely not perfect, but it’s really good right now. One thing I learned is that sometimes I put too little description in certain places, and then sometimes too much. I need to learn to find the perfect balance, but I think I’ve gotten a little better with that. The theme that is emerging from my piece is independence, but at the same time fear. The piece is basically the way I want it to be, but I need to go through a few more edits from other people to see how it’s going. But actually right now I’m extremely happy with it. I also need to figure out a title!