Journal #10- First Draft w. Reflection

“I’m so sick of the lies, you’re so annoying! I don’t understand why you stay with me if you’re constantly going to destroy my character!” said Analiz.

“What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? Why am I always wrong? Tell me what have I done now?” Charles screamed.

“Shut up! You’re going to wake the child.”

“Do I even care? Do I know it’s even mine?” Charles screamed even louder.

“Charles! How dare you say something like that? I’m so disappointed. I swear, how can you deny your own child?”

“How can I not? After all the creeping you’ve done around?”

Analiz didn’t know what to say. Tears started streaming in her eyes. She didn’t understand how her husband could doubt her in this way. Ever since they got together, all she has been was faithful. But he wouldn’t recognize it.

“I never creeped around. You’re the only one I love, and you should definitely know that. I’ve given up so much for us. You’re the one lying to me. Where have you been late at night? You say you’re working. If you’re working, and I’m there calling at 2 am, why can’t you pick up, or text me back?”

“Can’t use my phone on the job.” Charles said blatantly.

“What’s up with the random I love you texts if you can’t text on the job?”

“Uh…lunch break?”

“At 8am? Yeah right you freakin liar. I’m done.”

Analiz walked away, crying into her room. She went to go look at the baby that her husband doubted. How could he doubt that baby? That beautiful baby that looked exactly like him? What was he thinking? Who could be dong this to his brain? Charles never used to think like this. After pondering at the crib, she slowly walked to her welcoming bed, and just sank in. The soft pillows comforted her more than anyone ever could after that argument. Her tears slid down her caramel face. She then slowly closed her eyes, and let her dreams take her to another place.

“Hey Charles, what’s up hun?”

“Marie, Can you please go away? I’m not in the mood right now.”

Charles looked around the gloomy office. All the walls were white and gray, reminding him of him and Analiz's relationship at the moment. He didn’t understand why she would cheat on him. He loved her so much.

“Is the baby momma bothering you again?” Marie said.

“Not really, just you know…stuff. I don’t know. Our relationship is slowly falling, and it’s breaking my heart into pieces.” Charles felt his body getting hot.

“Well babe…you know I could always make you feel better. I know how to show you a good time,” Marie said in a seductive tone.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh…just I could show you a little something. Make you better.” Marie entered his cubicle and began to approach him, stroking his hair softly.

“Marie, don’t try this on me.  Seriously. I’ve heard about you. You will ruin me.”

“No I won’t. I’ll just make you better sexy.” She slowly put her hand on top of his and began to massage his hand. Charles didn’t know what to think. His mind was racing like he was in a marathon, and he began to get sweaty. So many things were running across his mind at one moment.

“Really Charles? Her. Marie of all people? Really Charles? I can’t believe you. I came here to surprise you. And then you do this to me? And Marie? The girl I hate most of all, that hates me? That has always been trying to ruin us? Really?” said Alaniz. She came to his job to surprise him, and make him feel better. But instead she was met with this girl, Marie that she hated. Marie always wanted the worse for Charles and Analiz, because she loved Charles since High School, but Charles never wanted her.

“Alaniz…I didn’t do anything…she’s the one who won’t leave me alone.” Charles cried.

“Charles. You KNOW how I feel about this bitch.”

“Babe, you know I told you I don’t mess with this girl! She’s always trying to get on me,” Charles yelled, as Marie stood in the back chuckling.

“Why do I find you with your hand in hers?”

“She did this hun!”

“Oh hello Analiz. Nice to meet you again. Your “husband” said he’s sick f you. And he needs me. I’m trying to help him out right now, so can you please go hun? Shoo shoo, like your husband is doing to you. Shoo cutie.  Said Marie, laughing.

“I will. HAPPILY.”  Analiz said. Tears were marching down her face. All this time he thought she was cheating, but he was the one doing it. All she could think of is why. What has she done? What’s so good about Marie? She looked like a burnt piece of crap. All Analiz could think about was going to her lawyer and filing for divorce. Her marriage just ended, her child was only 7 months, and she didn’t know what to do. Her life was going down a whirlwind hole of never ending dismay, all because of a girl that hated her guts, and never ever wanted her good.

Reflection

            Due to the feedback I received in this workshop, I now know exactly what I need to do to improve my story. I need to give more information in the beginning about the setting, because I didn’t do that, and without giving enough information about the setting to the reader, their mind will probably wander in many different places, when I want their mind to be in one place. Another thing that I need to work on is character description. In my story I didn’t provide enough description for the characters, and I didn’t really clearly indicate who was talking during the dialogue, so I really confused the readers. The last thing I need to work on is introducing the conflict better because the readers had no idea why one thought the other was cheating, and that doesn’t point the reader into the correct direction.

            My overall goal with this peace is to have people learn the lesson that it’s not good to just automatically assume things, and I want the reader to learn to forgive, and also have a new perspective on cheating. Everyone knows that cheating is bad, but if you think someone is cheating; don’t automatically assume they are until you know all the details, because that can ruin your relationship forever. I also wanted to teach them to not automatically assume things because this can lead you down a bad road as well. When you don’t know all of the facts, it’s never good to just preach what you feel or think.

Reflection #4

When it comes to workshops, I have mixed feelings. Sometimes I like workshops but at the same time, sometimes they make me quite nervous. In workshops, it is an opportunity for someone to review your work, critique and praise it as well. Some of things I’m afraid of in workshops are that someone might just completely shoot down my ideas that I have thought of. I’m usually afraid that someone might just say this is a horrible piece, why did you even write it? You need to completely change it. These kinds of things scare me because sometimes I am the type of person that is afraid of critiques, and it’s bad, because in life you can only improve yourself when people critique you.  I always fear that people might just hate my piece. I’m usually never confident in my work, but I have to realize that I must learn to become more confident in my writings; otherwise I can’t get by in the writing world, or even in the real world. Even the people that seem to be the most perfect have their flaws, and must be critiqued for something.

I believe that collaboration is a very important thing when it comes to writing. When you collaborate with someone or a group of people, you’re able to come up with more ideas for a story. You’re also able to receive constructive criticism on your story, and make it even better. The only thing bad about collaboration for me is sharing my stories to the class, or even to a minor group of people. When I have to share my stories, my heart starts skipping a beat, my mouth basically gets dry and I become very nervous. In Wolitzer’s story, she gets really nervous when she must present to the class and this directly relates to me.

“Anatole made a few opening remarks and then, after consulting a list, called on me to come up front and read my story aloud to the class. Caught off guard, I had to spit out my gum and stumble forward, dropping a few pages along the way. I was s nervous I almost hyperventilated, and I read with the dramatic expression usually reserved for the laundry list or the eye chart” (Wolitzer 266).

This quote talks about how nervous Wolitzer was when she had to go present her story in front of the class. I directly relate to this because before I felt exactly like this when I had to present in front of the class. I was so scared, I would start shaking, my mouth turned dry, my heart would be racing and in some occasions I would starting feeling hot. I’m not exactly sure why I had so much fear, but sometimes I think it’s because I have the fear of embarrassment, or too much criticism about my story. Sometimes I treat my writing so precious like a baby, I don’t want anyone to hurt it, tarnish it, or criticize it.  This relates to when the guy in Wolizter’s essay said that her story was the most boring he as ever heard, and she wanted to just drop everything, and go back to her home life. (Wolitzer 266). I fear embarrassment like that, but over the years, I have grown to become more confident. When I get up in front of a crowd to speak, I’m not as afraid to speak up or share my work I realized that it’s very important to share your work, and receive criticisms because that is the only way that you can get better with your work. Before when I refused to allow anyone to read my work, I wouldn’t get high grades on my papers. But now, when I share, and let people critique and praise it, I get much better grades and I am quite proud of myself for learning to speak up more.

            In my writing, I hope to improve on using more descriptive details. In my writing, I tend to not use enough descriptive detail. These kinds of details bring the reader in. I need to add more but not too much because when there is too much description n a story, people that are reading it start to get bored. I have many experiences with stories like this because sometimes stories that have so much description that go into extreme detail make me want to sleep. When you have just enough in your story, it brings the reader into the right direction, and the reader won’t get too bored.  I plan on achieving these goals in my workshop by asking the group what they think about my story, and what I should improve on, and I will tell them to be brutally honest. It’s very important to be honest in these kinds of workshops because without honesty, nothing can really get done.

            I can keep myself on task and help others by focusing story by story in our groups. It’s much better to do that instead of working on so many different stories at once. We also have to make sure everyone is attentive and interested; otherwise people probably won’t give the best constructive criticism. Keeping myself on task won’t be too hard, unless I get distracted. I think that it’s better if you workshop with people that aren’t your friends because usually when you workshop with people that are your friends, they’ll probably have more of a soft spot for you and won’t honestly critique your story, unless they’re quite honest people. Also, with friends it’s easy to get distracted with friends but with people you don’t really associate yourself with, it’s easier to get work done and have a more productive workshop. 

Robinson, Roxana “Embarking Together on Solitary Journeys” Writers on Writing 263-268. Print.

      

  

Journal #10 - We Need the Class..Forget the Trash?

Journal 10

Trashy

-A lot of ugly makeup

-Cursing in a professional environment

-Being really drunk in public

-Super revealing clothing

-People that don’t take care of their hygiene

Classy

-Dressing in a presentable manner

-Having your hair done nicely

-Speaking with proper vocabulary

-Soft-spoken people

-Five star services (restaurants, hotels)

Classy Character: Marina

Trashy Character: Shaquandanisha

Authorial view

When walking into work, Shaquandanisha always had another story to tell. She would always talk about how her stroll was in the morning to work, and what she had encountered. Every day seemed like a new, more bizarre story. When she walked into the workplace, all eyes were on her. All her assets were spilling out of her clothes, and she reeked the smell of a garbage disposal. Everyone stared as if she was an alien from out of the world. Sometimes, her makeup looked like she took her face out of a paint pallet. All her coworkers wished that she would get fired. Even though her appearance wasn’t the best, she was one of the most intelligent people anyone could ever find. She always completed her work fast, and it was usually the best out of all the coworkers. Her boss constantly praised her, but never praised the others.

Classy Character’s view

Every time she walked through the door, I knew something bad was going to happen, and it upset me. Everyday, when I went into work, I thought I was diving into a trashcan. My coworkers and I couldn’t stand this girl we called Shaq, for short. She was so ugly, she reminded me of a pig. She never got her work done. I never understood why my boss always praised her for her work that she never did. My best coworker Shelly told me how Shaq never finished her work, but she always did, and the boss always blamed her. Every time I go to speak to the boss about this, He always said Shelly never did work, but I know she did. Shaq didn’t know how to dress like anyone else either, she dressed like a hooker. I can’t stand this girl, and I wish she could be fired because honestly, she’s the worst coworker I ever had. 

Journal #9 - The deepest secrets may conceal the best feelings.

It was a lovely Sunday evening, in the middle of April, when Jerome and Alysha were going downtown for a nice dinner at Jerome’s favorite restaurant. While they were walking, Alysha just didn’t feel as if everything was right. She knew what was going on. She knew that everything was just going to go downhill from here. Her mind was racing, and she really didn’t know how to feel. She felt weird going into such a classy restaurant in her rags. She felt as if she was completely out of place while Jerome looked so great. They finally arrived at the restaurant, and Alysha sat down to a dinner that she thought would be the worst dinner of her life.

“Babe, I really need to speak to you about something it’s really important.”

“What happened? I’m sure I already know.” Said Alysha with a stern voice.

“How do you know what happened…?” Jerome said nervously.

“I already know. Like seriously, don’t act like I didn’t see you that day. You’ve been acting so weird lately.”

“How have I been acting weird babe? “ asked Jerome.

“You know exactly why. You know, all these things you’ve been getting me. What’s up with the Tiffany bracelet? “

“Girl, you know I buy that stuff because I love you and I really care about you.”

“No. I feel as if you’re trying to make a secret glitter with these gifts.” She said sadly.

“What? How could I ever do that? And what secret could I be hiding from you?”

At this moment, Jerome and Alysha stared at each other for a long time. She didn’t know what to think. Why was he acting like this? Did he not care for her anymore? What happened to our love? She wanted to just sit down and burst into tears. She stared around the beautiful restaurant trying to focus her mind on other things. But she couldn’t. What was going on?

“Look, Jerome. I mean, you can get whatever you want to say over with because I already know what’s going on.”

“Alysha, you really don’t know. Stop assuming shit.” Jerome said. He felt his body getting hotter and hotter.

“ Jerome! Look. For a few months now, all you’ve been doing is buying me everything I want.”

“And what does that mean? I can’t buy the girl I love nice things?”

“Yes you can. But lately you have been overdoing it.”

“No. This is how I treat all my girls.”

“Jerome, why do you have to lie to me? I don’t want to be your charity case okay? I never asked for that!” She said, while tears filled her eyes.

“Alysha…why would I ever do that to you? You’re my girl.”

“No. You know what’s going on. I’m over it. I saw you leaving that house. Who’s house were you going to anyway?’

“Don’t worry about it. Okay?” Jerome said in a nervous voice.

“Jerome! Who’s house been it? Seriously. Since when do you go into huge luxurious houses?” Alysha yelled.

“Why were you in that neighborhood?” Jerome asked.

“Why do you care?”

“Exactly. Why do you care why I was there?”

“Jerome shut up. Please tell me why you were there !!”  

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Why can’t I know?”

“Because I said so. Why does it even matter? “ Jerome said.

“It matters because I know something crazy is going on.”

“Not really actually. You’re just being paranoid.”

“OMG JUST TELL ME GOSH!”

“Nope sorry I can’t tell you.”  Jerome said, sighing at the end of his sentence.

“You see? Omg. I’m so over it. Why are you always shopping? Like why did you cancel our date? Do you even give a crap about me?”

“Alysha. Please, calm down. You don’t know. You don’t know anything. You really don’t. At all. So stop assuming everything. Everything is in your head.”

“Yeah right. I’m so sick of it. Just tell me it’s done and I’ll be fine. You are such a liar.”

“No I’m not. What could I be hiding from you?”

“Everything.”

“Alysha, please clam down. Just wait. “

Just at that moment when Alysha got up to leave, Jerome stopped her. “Hold on” Jerome said. He ran out to his car, and grabbed something.

“Alysha, I know what’s going on. You know, I really care about you. This is what you’ll be getting forever, when you’re in my arms. I will always be there. No matter what, you will get this”

As he spoke to her, he pulled something out of his pocket and gave it to her. “Forever yours, and everything will be fine, forever.”