Fiction Story- Draft #2

“Momma, I’ll be back in a few. I’m gonna go take a walk by the ocean before it’s time to go home. I just want to experience the Jamaican air a bit more by myself before it’s time to go home.” I said, walking towards the door.

 “Marisol, are you sure you don’t want me to come? I don’t want anything happening to you.” My mom said, her face frowning. Her big brown eyes just seemed to pierce me as she spoke. My mom was beautiful. Her face had the most perfect features, and she loved me so much. I was her only child. All my other siblings I never knew were miscarriages for my mother, so I’m her miracle child. I knew she never wanted to lose me.

“Mommy, I’ll be fine. I love you, and I’ll see you soon!” I said walking out the door.

“Okay Mari, be careful, I love you!” she said, as I was halfway down the hotel corridor. I waited for the elevator patiently. As I waited, I glanced down at my once pale skin, and noticed that it had become so tan. I was happy though, because I hated my pale skin. I love Jamaica. One of the best vacations I’ve ever taken, but now it’ll be time to go home soon. I heard a slight ring, and I noticed the elevator had come. I walked in, and I noticed a man standing there. I smiled, and went to the corner of the elevator. He smiled back then looked away, but then quickly kept staring at me. His yellow and red eyes seemed to not move off of me. I felt so uncomfortable, like I wanted to die. That felt like the longest minute of my life. 

Finally, the elevator hit the lobby. He walked out first and whispered “See you later, missy.” And quickly walked away. I was so scared, I couldn’t say a thing. I felt my body shaking, and I didn’t know what to think. I was like; maybe I should go back up and stay in the room. My instinct told me that, but my mind told me to relax. Maybe he was trying to be nice? I will never know, but I hope to never see him again.

The fresh sea air of the Jamaican sea filled my nose with wonder. Why did this country have to be so beautiful? I asked to myself. Everything about this place was just absolutely perfect. I let my toes soak into the warm sand, as I looked at the moon far into the ocean. It looked absolutely beautiful. I was the only one on the beach, besides a couple that was a little farther down. I took out my iPhone and scared at myself in the Face Time camera. All of a sudden, I heard people yelling all around me. I heard people screaming to get someone. I started looking in every direction and I realized these people were running towards me. My heart started pounding and racing like it was in a marathon. I became extremely frightened and my mind was running out of things to do. I immediately got up, and started running.

 “HELP! HELP ME! WHAT”S GOING ON! SAVE ME!” I yelled while running. I was so frightened. My mind was racing; I could feel my blood pumping.

“Get tha gal! get the gal man!” I heard someone yell. All of a sudden I saw an ambush of guys running to me from all different directions. I was so afraid; I didn’t know where to go. I noticed the couple on the side trying to call police. After my moment of thinking, I felt sweat and a tough arm all over my body. Someone covered my mouth and was carry me. I fought to scream. I was losing my breath. My mind couldn’t stay in one place. What is going on? I could feel my cheeks burning red. I could feel someone touching me in all the wrong places.

“We got the gyal, from the elevator. We that the gyal. She ours now. She exotic one. We got the gyallll..” I heard a familiar voice say. I knew it! It was the guy from the elevator, I guess with his homies. I was so afraid. I couldn’t think. I could feel my body weakening and weakening more by the second. Should I have just listened to my mother? Should I have just stayed home? Should I have brought someone with me? Why was I being targeted? What did I do to deserve this? How would my mom feel? What will my lovely mother do? I felt hot tears fill my eyes. I didn’t know where they were taking me, I didn’t want to know, and all of a sudden I felt myself being thrown into a large area.  I closed my eyes, so I didn’t have to see what I was facing. I held my breath, hoping this was all a dream. Why is this going on? I heard the door shut close, and I knew that I was doomed for life. Then I opened my eyes, and look around. I noticed that I was in the back of the truck. I looked around and noticed another boy sitting in the corner. “

WHERE AM I?” I yelled, crying and kicking at the same time.

“Hey, shush. I don’t know what happened or where we’re going, but just know I got abducted just like you. I was here on vacation, relaxing on the beach and this happens. I don’t know why. But calm down. It’ll be okay. My name is Dan. I’m from California. Who are you?” I just stared at him. He looked perfect. His blue eyes. Dirty blonde hair.  I couldn’t think about that now. I wanted to be home.

“Uh.Marisol…from uhhh..uhmmm.. Hollywood,ehm  California.” I said in between sobs.

“Nice to meet you.” He replied. Why the fuck was he so calm? But then I continued to stare at him, trying to calm down. I kept staring at him, and I realized, I knew this boy. He looked so familiar then I thought to myself, I must be kidding myself, this boy and me were definitely not friends, and we didn’t know each other. My mind continued to go back and forth. Wait, I knew Dan!! I knew him! He goes to my high school. Basically an outcast, but I never noticed how gorgeous he is.

“Wait, hum…Dan… Do you go to Lightsenia High School?” I yelled.

“Yes! I do. Do you attend there?” Dan replied, with a slight smile.

 “Yes I do! This is amazing! How we go to the same school. Wow.” I kept repeating. I was actually quite shocked but happy I can bond with someone I knew. From there, we couldn’t stop talking out of excitement that we actually sorta kinda knew each other from high school. It was amazing, and yes, I felt a slight joy inside.  But I couldn’t forget that we were abducted. The best vacation of my life just turned into misery. In my head, I just wanted to say fuck everything. It’s all pointless. But I had to get out. I just had to. And I knew I would. Without this guy or not, I will find my way.

Based on the notes I was given in workshop, I still need to make my story longer. It’s still too much of a cliffhanger and people really want to read more. My protagonist has two different desires now, to get to know this boy she coincidently knew from high school, and to also get back to her parents. She basically has two desires but as the story goes on, she will grow and have many more desires. I want my piece to help people to change their perspectives on people they don’t really knew and just want to automatically judge. The reason why is because you never know. The people you know least can help you the most, and just as a little hint that might be happening in my story! So far I love the storyline of my story. I find it very interesting to write about realistic things like this.