It was a cold Monday night, the worst day of the week for Analiz and her husband. They sat quietly in the antique living, room just hating being around each other at the moment. Analiz’s hazel eyes stared at Charles’ dark face as he watched the television. She didn’t understand why he didn’t want to ever speak about the dilemma occurring within their relationship. The snow outside made the situation even worse, because it made her feel cold, and more alone. She missed the streets of New York City, and she gave up so much to move Boston for him. She always felt really lonely, with no one to go to. Her mind started racing, and tears dripped down her smooth caramel skin. She couldn’t hold back any longer.
“I’m so sick of the lies, you’re so annoying! I don’t understand why you stay with me if you’re constantly going to destroy my character!” said Analiz.
“What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? Why am I always wrong? Tell me what have I done now?” Charles screamed.
“Shut up! You’re going to wake the child.”
“Do I even care? Do I know it’s even mine?” Charles screamed even louder.
“Charles! How dare you say something like that? I’m so disappointed. I swear, how can you deny your own child?”
“How could I not? My friends told me you got down with all of them!”
“Seriously? Which friends Charles?”
“Can’t say. You should know Ms. Sleep around with everyone!”
“Charles stop talking! You have absolutely no proof since you won’t tell me who. I heard from my best friend you’re always flirting with that ugly charcoal skinned ugly weave wearing hoe Marie that you know I hate.”
Charles began to get nervous. His large palms started getting sweaty… He didn’t want to lose his girl over a side chick.
“Analiz, no. I never did! And if you won’t believe me fine. I’m going to bed. I can’t deal with your crap anymore!”
Charles marched away with his face to the floor, tears running down his strong bone structure. He loved his girlfriend and never would have thought she would do something like this to him. He also wondered who told her the lies. He thought about Analiz’s beautiful face, her perfect long silky hair, and her five star body. She was the most beautiful girl. He just didn’t want to admit to the face that he only heard the information from Marie, the girl at work. After finishing his smoke, he walked into the house, and saw Analiz sleeping on the couch. “Another night alone.” He mumbled to himself, and slowly walked to his deserted room. He lay on the bed, and with so many thoughts racing through his mind, he escaped to dreamland.
“Hey Charles, what’s up hun?”
“Marie, Can you please go away? I’m not in the mood right now I need to do my work, “ Charles said, staring around at the gloomy office. It was raining and snowing outside and it reminded him of him and his Wife’s relationship.
“Is the baby momma bothering you again?” Marie said.
“Not really, just you know…stuff. I don’t know. Our relationship is slowly falling, and it’s breaking my heart into pieces.” Charles felt his body getting hot.
“Well babe…you know I could always make you feel better. I know how to show you a good time,” Marie said in a seductive tone.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh…just I could show you a little something. Make you better.” Marie entered his cubicle and began to approach him, stroking his hair softly.
“Marie, don’t try this on me. Seriously. I’ve heard about you. You will ruin me.”
“No I won’t. I’ll just make you better sexy.” She slowly put her hand on top of his and began to massage his hand. Charles didn’t know what to think. His mind was racing like he was in a marathon, and he began to get sweaty. So many things were running across his mind at one moment.
“Really Charles? Her. Marie of all people? I can’t believe you. The girl I hate most of all? That has always been trying to ruin us? Really?” said Alaniz, as she walked into his office cubicle. Charles saw her and she was looking more beautiful than ever. He smiled at her, but then realized what was going on, and the smile quickly turned to a frown.
“She’s the one who won’t leave me alone.” Charles cried.
“Charles. You KNOW how I feel about her.”
“Babe, you know I told you I don’t mess with this girl!” Charles yelled, as Marie stood in the back chuckling.
“Why do I find you with your hand in hers?”
“Oh hello Analiz. Nice to meet you again. Your “husband” is sick of you. He needs me. I’m trying to help him out right now, so Shoo shoo, like your husband is doing to you. Shoo cutie. “ Marie said, laughing, and her dark eyes, piercing Analiz’s heart.
“I will. HAPPILY.” Said Analiz as she hurried away, tears racing down her face, her body pumping, chest hot, and hand sweating. She couldn’t believe it. And now, her life would go down a never-ending hole of dismay.
Reflection #2
Due to the feedback I have received in my workshop, I now know that I need to focus mostly on one character in the story. In my draft, I focused on too many characters at once, and it confused many people that read my story. I also need to let the reader think that both of them are cheaters, so that at the end, I can just surprise the reader with what is going on. I also learned that I need to incorporate the setting and the weather with the way my character is feeling, and I also need to describe the characters’ personalities and appearances better. I think work shopping helps a lot because it helps you get amazing feedback from your peers, that can only help and make your piece better. Every time I see someone critique my work, I see that my work is only getting better and better.
No comments:
Post a Comment