Laylani and Lisa walked down Amsterdam Avenue, trying to find someplace to eat. “I’m so hungry!” cried Laylani, as her stomach growled. The sky was low, clouds gray, and the cold wind made Lisa’s cheeks light up with color. “Same here, there’s so much to eat but I’m not sure what to get!” Lisa said, as she glanced around. This placed seemed so familiar to her, but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. The cars driving past, the school kids leaving school, and the Chinese food store across the street. It all seemed like it had once been a part of her life. Laylani ran in front of her. “Lisa! Think of a place! I’m starving already.” Her caramel eyes glanced at Lisa, as Lisa stopped in her footsteps. They were approaching McDonalds, and all she could see was an ocean of tears flooding into her crystal blue eyes. “What’s wrong Lisa, Are you not hungry any…” and that’s when Laylani thought back to the time. As the rain began to pour, the memories began to pour all over her brain. “Linda, come back! Just finish your food,” cried Lisa. “Girl, I don’t care! I’m so sick of this life, and I hate it! You’re just making more problems in it” Linda said running away. Linda ran into the street, where all the roads seemed to cross.” “Linda! Stop!! The cars are coming!! Stop!” “What, I can’t …” and that’s the last thing she heard Linda say, that brought her back into reality. Lisa fell to her knees, and the ocean of tears in her eyes blew out as if a bunch of waves hit them. “I can’t be here. It’s all wrong. I just. No. It was all my fault.” Lisa said, sobbing between sentences. Laylani ran to her, trying to comfort here as best as she can. She wrapped her arms around Lisa, giving her the warmest hug she can. “It’s okay girl, our third part will always be in our hearts. She loves us, and it’ll be okay. ” Laylani whispered, knowing that it will never really be okay.
This is very good...just be careful of giving such a long transition back into the flashback...take out "though back in time" and any comments about memories....just get into the flashback.
ReplyDelete9/10